Once your child starts secondary school you miss out on so many times of the day when you would naturally chat together.
Gone are the walks or drives to school, where you could easily get your child to talk about what was coming up in their day or share tales of how their day had gone.
Even when you do get time together it can be hard to get your child to talk. Questions such as ‘How was your day?’ can be met with a shrug and a mumbled response of ‘Fine’, which gives very little away.
It’s easy for parents of tweens to feel a bit disconnected.
Sometimes though, if you ask the right questions at the right times it can open up in a much more detailed conversation.
You can end up finding out a lot more about how your tween is feeling and what is going on in their head if you can get your child to talk.
Pick your moments
Pick your momentsTweens lead busy lives, spending more and more of their time away from the family, either out with friends or tucked away in their room.
If you try to get your child to talk when they are busy catching up with homework or friends or when they’re knackered and need time to unwind, then you’re unlikely to get a lot out of them.
Pick times when you both have a little more time to chat. Make the most of the times when you give your child a lift in the car and use these try to get them to talk a bit.
Go on walks together, as conversation more easily flows when you walk together and you don’t always have to make direct eye contact.
Mealtimes and quiet times before bed are a great time to talk to your child too.
Be ready to really listen
When you talk to your child then show that you are really present and ready to listen.
That means putting down distractions like phones, work and switching off the TV and really giving your whole focus to your child.
Be curious
Really listen to your child’s answers and be curious about what they say. Tweens can tell when we’re faking interest from a mile off.
So, if they say something funny or interesting, then follow it up by asking them to explain more or asking them how they came to think of that point.
Ask open-ended questions to really get your child to talk
Questions that require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, or can even be met with a shrug, lead to very short conversations, especially if your child is not in the mood to talk.
A fun question that is open-ended and requires a bit of thought and imagination can be a much better way to spark conversation and to get your tween to open up.
These 35 questions should help get them engaged!
If you’re still failing or dealing with a child who has started to suffer from stress, take a look at our article top tips for dealing with tween stress for some tips on how to handle it.
35 questions to get your tween talking
If you could get rid of one school subject, what would it be?
Who has been your favourite ever teacher so far?
Which school rule is the most annoying?
What’s your favourite season and why?
If you could be invisible for the day at school, what would you do?
What part of the school day do you dread the most?
If you could rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10, what would it be and why?
If you could be invisible for the day at school, what would you do?
What part of the school day do you dread the most?
If you could rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10, what would it be and why?
What is the most embarrassing thing that I do?
Do you think aliens exist?
What’s been your favourite family holiday so far?
Do you think it’s more fun to be a kid or an adult?
What’s the one thing that adults don’t get about kids your age?
If you could travel anywhere, where would you like to go?
What three items could you not live without?
What colour best describes your mood right now, and why?
Would you rather have loads or acquaintances of a few good friends?
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
What do you wish you knew how to do that you don’t know right now?
If you could travel back in time, what year would you choose?
If you won a million pounds on the lottery, how would you spend the money?
If you could meet someone famous, who would it be?
If you could only listen to one song on repeat for the next month, which would it be?
What’s your favourite room in the house?
Do you think it would be good to be famous?
Do you think you’ll live in a city or the countryside when you grow up?
Do you believe that everyone deserves forgiveness?
What is something that really annoys you but doesn’t bother most people?
Do you think you would like to be homeschooled?
What are your favourite smells in the world?
A portal to another world opens in front of you. You don’t know how long it will stay open or if you’ll be able to get back after you go through. Do you go through?
What’s something people worry about but shouldn’t?
If animals could talk, which animal would be the most annoying?
How do you make yourself sleep when you can’t seem to get to sleep?
If you could be anywhere else in the world right now, where would you be?
