Sex after birth can be a bit of a thought. To say the least. We know that, as new mums, you might worry about whether things look or feel different than before.
You might worry about your episiotomy scar or C-section scar hurting or tearing. It’s not something we talk about much but one of your biggest fears might be that things might look and feel different ‘down there’. For both of you.
Also your newly acquired stretch marks, mum tum and wobbly bits might make you feel insecure and unsure about whether your partner will still find you attractive.
Mums’ worries about sex after childbirth are talked about a lot but one thing that is discussed less often is what men really think about sex after a baby?
Sex after birth might actually be better
Let’s start with the good news. Especially if you’re a new parent wondering if you’ll ever feel ready to have sex again after giving birth and then worrying that it might not be as good as it was before.
According to a UK survey in 2016 most parents said that sex after childbirth is better. A whopping 94% of couples asked said that they were satisfied with their sex lives and 60% said that sex after a baby is better than it was in their pre-baby days. So, if you’re a new parent and feeling a bit nervous about getting back in the saddle then this might reassure you.
Worries about mum tums and wobbly bits
It may comes as no surprise that the survey found that 44% of new mums felt insecure about their post-baby bodies, with 35% admitting to feeling ‘too fat for sex’.
If this is you then it’s reassuring to know that new dads don’t seem to bat an eyelid. A third said they didn’t see any difference in their partner’s body after a baby and a huge 63% said they found their partner more attractive than ever before.
Dads tell it like it is
Surveys can provide a broad picture. And in this case a really positive one. But statistics and numbers can only tell us so much and it’s sometimes refreshing to hear things in a bit more detail right from the horse’s mouth.
We scoured the internet and parenting forums to find out what dads have to say about sex after birth. And it’s so enlightening to hear men open up so frankly and honestly and talk about what it’s really like for them. Here’s what they had to say:
The first time can be scary
Mums – you pushed something the size of a watermelon out of your vagina. Having your first poo after childbirth is scary enough so it’s no surprise that the thought of having sex can be more than a little nerve wracking. But is it just as scary for dads?
Turns out that, yes, it can be. You might not admit it, but you might both be terrified about that first time after childbirth. But once you’ve both bitten the bullet it gets easier. Over to the dads:
Sex after a baby is the worst. I’m not going to lie. It’s scary. My wife had something like 12 stitches, and all I could think about after watching her give birth was, ‘holy crap, what if I hurt her vagina again?’ We had sex in slow motion the first few times until we got more comfortable with it, and things got back to normal. Anthony
The first time we had sex after our baby wasn’t wild or without a lot of stop and go (mainly because of the pain), but it was different in a really amazing way. I kept looking at her and all of these crazy feelings popped up for this person who was amazing me in new ways. It was more emotional. Tom
Foreplay becomes a luxury
Gone are the days when you could take all the time in the world to get yourself in the mood for sex and linger over foreplay.
In reality sex will now probably happen in snatched moments when your baby is sleeping. You both have one ear open listening for any wails that signal that you have to drop everything and rush to her side. Sex after a baby can be rushed but that doesn’t mean it can’t be amazing.
There are times when you know you’re working with minutes here. There’s no slow undressing and teasing. Pete
Sometimes you feel like you’re rushing through it so you can finish before your baby wakes up. But it’s quality over quantity. Josh
So – erm – does it FEEL different down there?
THIS is the thing that we don’t dare talk about enough.
And, perhaps the biggest worry for mums. The anxiety that things will look and, more importantly feel, different ‘down there’.
Will your vagina be stretched and loose?
Will that mean it feels different and less satisfying?
Will your partner mind?
Will sex still be as good, for you both?
It’s a very understandable and real concern, considering what our bodies go through when giving birth. The good news is that things might feel a little different (if at all) but still as good. At least, according to the dads that dared to speak out:
Her vagina didn’t feel loose or anything — I know that’s the question everyone has — but it did feel longer, like I could fit myself and go on forever. It also felt different for her. For some reason, the front of her vagina felt more sensitive, in a good way. Dave
It was great! I was so happy we were finally doing it that I didn’t care what it felt like. But it felt exactly the same for me, maybe even tighter. My girlfriend said she was sore, but after a few minutes, she got more comfortable. Michael
Mums’ bodies are more beautiful than ever before
Forget the ins and outs. The one thing that can make new mums feel worried about sex after childbirth is the way their bodies have changed. The anxiety that stretch marks, wobbly bits and a few extra pounds might make them less desirable to their partners.
Dads do a lot to reassure us and make us feel just as beautiful, if not more so, than before:
Let’s just say there’s a lot more to hold onto, and I like that. Remy
I love the way she looks naked. Now as much as ever. She’s f**king beautiful. Fitzerald
My wife doesn’t understand it because she’s self-conscious about it, but when I see her body, I think it’s so beautiful. It’s a sign of what a woman can do in her all of her glory and all of its extraordinary capabilities that men will never have. I find it incredibly sexy. Doug
My wife doesn’t have a perfect body and, yes, she’s gained some weight since having our children, but I don’t care. She gave me the greatest gift of all and she’ll always be the person I want to see naked more than anyone else. Luke
Relax and enjoy it
It’s perfectly understandable to be worried and nervous about sex after a baby. What we’ve learnt about researching this article is that dads feel scared too. But, once you get back into it then your sex life can be just as good, if not better, than before.
How did you feel about sex after a baby? Join in the chat over on our Facebook page.
For more top tips see our article Sex after kids, 8 ways to keep the spark alive.
- “New study finds sex gets better AFTER childbirth”, by Kat Romero, Express
- “7 Men Reveal What They Really Think About Having Sex After a Baby”, By Lisa Fogarty, Redbook
- “11 Guys on How Sex Changes After Having Kids”, Frank Kobola
- “Men Share What They *Really* Think About Their Wife’s Post-Baby Body”, by Lindsay Tigar, Redbook